Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There r osticjed everywhere
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
