thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
