A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
