Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
