We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
