Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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