I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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