Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
