take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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