one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can you bring me the toilet please
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
