You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
