If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
