She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
