woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
