Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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