I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
