the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
