I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
