I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
