He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
