How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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