My cat gives me a boner
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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