You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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