what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
