Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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