Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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