Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You've changed since you got that strap on
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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