I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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