I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
