I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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