I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
