I must be too annoying 4 u.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
