I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
