the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Ladies don't puke and tell
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
