Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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