I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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