I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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