The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
