Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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