Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i barfeds in our rink
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
