ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
as a side note pls kill me
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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