You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We are all done wearing pants today
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
