I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
