I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
try to milk me bitch
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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