i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
