That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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