We need to rekindle our bromance
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
