mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
