I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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