You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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