she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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