Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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