What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I am midnight drunk by noon
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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