What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
