The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
