She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
