I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I have aggressive nipples.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
