I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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