Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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