Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
