am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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