He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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