I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
