everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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