I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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