It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
