Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
