He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
